Self-Compassion is Self-Love

“Self-love is the practice of understanding, embracing, and showing compassion for yourself. Self-love involves nurturing your entire being – that means taking care of yourself on the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels. When engaging in self-love, we also work to forgive ourselves, accept our flaws, and embrace our inner demons. Contrary to popular belief, self-love isn’t just a blind adoration of our strengths, it’s also an embrace of our weaknesses and shadows.” ― Aletheia Luna

What a beautiful quote that embodies GNR’s February theme of Self-Compassion. Luna succinctly describes the importance of embracing all parts of oneself, not only with compassion but also with understanding. Self-Compassion is the key to embracing self-love. Self-compassion is defined as giving yourself the same compassion you’d give to another. Dr. Kristen Neff, a pioneer in the work on self-compassion, states that “self-compassion is simply the process of turning compassion inward. When we are kind and understanding rather than harshly self-critical when we fail, make mistakes, or feel inadequate. When we give ourselves support and encouragement rather than being cold and judgmental when challenges and difficulty arise in our lives.” Dr. Neff identifies three elements of self-compassion to help us better understand it so we can begin to embrace this self-care practice that is so essential to our wellness.

1. self-kindness vs self-judgment

Self-compassion is self-kindness, not self-judgment. It is truly coming from a place of understanding when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate and not ignoring or criticizing the pain. It is acknowledging our imperfections, embracing the challenges we face with an understanding that this is the inevitable human experience. Dr. Neff describes that “when this reality is denied or fought against, suffering increases in the form of stress, frustration, and self-criticism. When this reality is accepted with sympathy and kindness, greater emotional equanimity is experienced.”

2. common humanity vs isolation

Self-compassion is connecting with the common human experiences in which we all share. It is recognizing suffering is part of our humanity. We are not meant to go through life alone, but rather to connect in shared experiences and not in isolation. The latter keeps us further away from self-compassion and stuck in the suffering without purpose.

3. mindfulness vs over-identification

Self-compassion is mindfulness. Let’s reflect back on last month’s GNR blog post when I shared my favorite definition of mindfulness, “being in the present moment without judgment.” Mindfulness is a balance of emotions, both positive and negative, not judging them, not numbing them, and not amplifying them. Letting them be and moving through them. We must be willing to also take a balanced approach to our own personal experiences and connect this experience to others who are also suffering. This allows us to put this in a greater, broader perspective, allowing us to observe our negative emotions with openness, willingness, and clarity in the present moment; practicing mindfulness.

In order to have self-compassion, you must be able to recognize your own suffering and respond to it from a place of kindness. So often we can do this for others and our natural reaction may be to resist showing compassion for ourselves. We must learn to accept our anguish as a common human experience and allow it to connect us to others. We also must practice mindfulness. When we respond to the suffering with acceptance and forgiveness in the moment, and embrace the suffering for what it truly is, all through a lens of kindness… this is self-compassion. Self-compassion seems to be one of the greatest acts of self-care we can give ourselves, doesn’t it?

Self-Compassion is Self-Care

Without self-care, we cannot connect with self-compassion. How we care for our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wellness matters. When we prioritize these areas of wellness each day, we are practicing self-care. Self-care means caring for yourself in your various roles with compassionate action and mentality. How we conceptualize self-care may appear different in some of the actions and vary by individual, but self-care by its definition is caring for yourself, therefore compassion is an essential component of self-care. Who knew? This is how we live in the present and is what “makes us real.” When we embrace these areas of wellness with a growth mindset, we transform what is real, we reconstruct our reality, we change our present.

Research suggests that self-compassion may be a powerful tool to aid us in coping with life stressors. When we are in a heightened level of stress, anxiety, or fear, we are in our sympathetic nervous system. This can trigger a ripple effect such as the release of stress hormones which contribute to long term health-related issues. When we can lean into self-compassion, that connects us to a greater level of resiliency, activating our biological sense to nurture and share kindness. This, in turn, can have a positive impact on our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wellness motivating us to make change and reach our goals. Another study showed that self-compassion could be utilized as an emotional-regulation strategy and be a valuable tool and practice aiding in long term recovery.

Self-Compassion is Self-Awareness

Why is this practice of self-compassion so challenging when we often freely give compassion to others? As I write this, I think of the saying “we are our own worst critic.” But why do we tend to think this way? We don’t have to be so critical, yet often we are. It is our initial reaction. When we are in a judgmental space internally, being our own worst critic stunts our growth, allowing us to move further away from our authentic self. Self-compassion helps us to combat anxiety and self-doubt. Self-compassion allows us to thrive, to grow, to be real. A lack of self-compassion keeps us stuck in the murky mud along with all the negative emotional afflictions. As Thich Nhat Hanh said “no mud, no lotus”, right? Without the mud, there is no lotus flower, meaning without suffering, there can be no compassion.

So how we connect with the suffering, not just acknowledge it, but accept it, and it creates the ideal environment to allow self-compassion in. This makes me reflect on the idea of the purpose behind our pain and the struggle in some of our challenging life experiences. This is often a great challenge for anyone to feel in the mist of these moments, yet through compassion others may show us, we lean in a little closer into self-compassion. Ever wonder how self-compassionate you are? Check out this short self-compassion test to increase your awareness and start your journey to being kinder to yourself.

Self-Compassion is Practicing Gratitude

The greatest challenge of beginning anything new can often be wondering where to start. Hear me when I tell you, there is no wrong way to practice gratitude, it is as simple as just beginning. Here are a few ideas to help you get started on embracing self-compassion in your gratitude practice this month.

1. Use Affirmations - These are statements that can assist and encourage you when on the path to change and heal. You can use one of the affirmations below or create your own. I would suggest using them when you recognize your negative self-talk.

· I am kind and compassionate towards myself.

· I am offering myself the same compassion today I offer to others.

2. Journal - Take a moment to journal about your self-talk. Sometimes getting it out of your head and onto paper can be powerful. Here are a few prompts to help get you started:

· What are 5 ways I can be kinder and more compassionate with myself?

· Write about a time you experienced a challenging moment. What have you learned

from that moment, reflecting on it today? How was I compassionate with myself? Where

can I be more compassionate?

· What are 5 things you are proud of today that you have accomplished?

3. Notice Your Should/Could/Would thinking - Identify the “should/could/would” statements and replace with the opposite. Think about something you accomplished today, identify why you’re grateful for this experience. Simply replace the should/could/would statement with something positive in the present.

Self-Compassion is Sharing the Love

You want in? Anyone who subscribes to this blog, shares it with a friend, likes it on LinkedIn, follows Grateful Never Relapses on Instagram and/or Facebook, will be entered into drawing for a special GNR self-compassion gift. You will be contacted via messenger or email to tell us where to send it. Share the love, grateful beings!

Share in the comments below one way you can bring more self-compassion into your daily practice?

About Grateful Never Relapses

Welcome to a community where the belief and mindset is one in which recovery is possible for everyone! We believe that through gratitude, mindfulness, and awareness of all that is around us and within us, recovery is possible. When you shift your awareness to come from a place of gratitude, even in the most challenging or darkest of times, Grateful NEVER Relapses! The hope for this forum is to offer a brave and safe space to embrace your recovery journey with gratitude. We plan to share useful resources and tools to help you embody gratitude into your daily life. While we understand that everyone's journey is unique to them, we hope you are able to share in the power of gratitude in your own healing journey and realize the doors it may open and the walls it may take down, while recognizing and embracing the power of gratitude within!

References

Moore,C. (2019). How to Practice Self-Compassion: 8 Techniques and Tips. Retrieved from

https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-practice-self-compassion/

Neff, C. (2023) Self-Compassion. Retrieved from https://self-compassion.org/

Tchiki, D. (2023). Self-Compassion: Definition, Examples, and Exercises. Retrieved from

https://www.berkeleywellbeing.com/self-compassion.html