Thankful vs. Grateful, What's the difference, anyway?

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” - G.K. Chesterton

From a young age, we are often taught what it means to be polite, use manners, and/or say thank you. We learn this, we practice it, yet I often wonder if those who instilled this in us, our caregivers, our parents, or even our teachers, were aware of the importance and change these few words can make. Sometimes this response is so automatic, how truly aware are we of the words we are saying and their inherent meaning? What exactly does it mean to be thankful? What is the difference between being thankful and grateful? Is there even a difference? How is it that something as simple as expressing gratitude can help us not only live happier, but also healthier? These are the questions we will explore in November's GNR Blog.

“Strive to find things to be thankful for, and just look for the good in who you are.” - Bethany Hamilton

If we took only a few moments each day to identify the things we are thankful or grateful for, the "good" in today, how might this change your day? Something as small as recognizing the good in our present moment can make a great impact on our overall wellness. Often, when we are stuck in a mindset of what is missing, we are truly missing the gift of what is right in front of us in the present moment. I believe, this makes all things possible. Through giving thanks or expressing gratitude, we have a bit more zest or energy to face whatever lies ahead. So maybe this is another place where we have a conscious decision to make. Do you want your cup to overflow with sadness, frustration, or resentment? Or, do you want your cup to overflow with thanks and gratitude? If we cannot be thankful, then I believe we miss out on the opportunity to connect with being grateful.

But what exactly does it mean to be thankful and grateful? Let us first explore the definitions. Thankful is an adjective, meaning to express thanks, being conscious of what is received, or being pleased. Grateful is also an adjective, meaning appreciative of benefits received, affording pleasure or contentment. These are both often used interchangeably to show appreciation for something or someone, but there is a true difference.

Thankfulness appears to be a conscious act you engage in, after you receive some type of benefit. Thankful is more automatic, an exchange, maybe even a bit more temporary or immediate action. You are aware of that exchange and express thanks for that. While again, very important if we think about needing to connect with others and why saying thank you may be so important. It is allowing others to see that you appreciate and see how they helped or supported you in that action.

Gratitude, being grateful, is truly a bit different. There are a few more layers to expressing gratitude. Thankfulness seems more temporary in my mind, while gratitude is something experienced within, at a deeper level. Gratitude has more layers as it involves both verbal and actionable expression. While being thankful is usually in response to something external, gratitude is an appreciation that comes from within. Gratitude is something that moves us inside. It changes us not only in the moment, but tends to resonate beyond that moment and spread to other areas of our lives. Gratitude is a powerful vibration that resonates at the same level as love. Gratitude is a deep internal feeling of connection, peace, appreciation, serenity, and feeling truly blessed.

“Reflect upon your present blessings—of which every man has many—not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” - Charles Dickens

In GNR's January Blog, What is Gratitude Anyway? we explored what gratitude is and why it is important. The Harvard Medical School defined gratitude as the thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. They further went on to explore research on gratitude, determining that when people connect to something greater than themselves, such as another person, nature, or a higher power, it connects with the happiness and peace within, leading to other benefits in life. One study explored the impact of gratitude on daily life, seeing if there was a difference between those participants counting their blessings vs. counting their burdens. For 10 weeks, one group was asked to write a few sentences each week regarding the things they were grateful for during the week, while the second group was asked to write about things that were irritating or displeasing in the week. After the 10 weeks, those who wrote about what they were grateful for, identified being more optimistic and feeling better about their lives, also having fewer visits to a health care provider, and exercising more than those in the group who had written about daily irritants. Another study of couples found that those expressing gratitude to their partners resulted in higher participation in relationship maintenance behaviors such as feeling more positive about their partners, communicating more, and expressing relationship concerns. So it seems, when we acknowledge the goodness in our lives, gratitude allows us to connect to something greater than ourselves, whether it is others, nature, or even a higher power. The true essence of gratitude is connection. The connection outside of ourselves grows the connection within ourselves.

“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.” - Eckhart Tolle

Being grateful is something we experience internally and on a deeper level. As I shared above, I believe being thankful is the first step in our gratitude journey. We must first step into the idea of expressing thanks before we can express and internally feel the benefits of gratitude. In my mind, expressing thanks is short-term, an in the moment expression. Feeling it truly within - is gratitude, an internal gift we give ourselves. Gratitude not only has the power to help improve our mental and physical wellness but also helps foster long-term change within. It allows us to connect with our true authentic selves. For me, I believe gratitude connects us with the spiritual and divine being within, no matter what our beliefs may be. This is where long-lasting growth and power lie within us. I often find myself in the course of therapy, reminding my clients that everything they have is within them. Part of this journey to find this is seeing and sharing thanks. To internally experience the life-changing gift of gratitude we can give ourselves is where we start.

“A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues.”- Cicero

November is National Gratitude Month, likely not by coincidence seeing as Thanksgiving is in November. What better time to start to practice gratitude than in National Gratitude Month! Gratitude is truly the simplest way to help change our perspective not only about what's around us but what is within us. It is free, and you can practice it from anywhere! So maybe begin by starting to say thank you for whats already yours and say thank you to another person. I think at times we forget that we can be thankful and grateful for things and experiences in life, yet also feel sadness as well. We experience many emotions each day, and several can exist at one time, the key is to identify them, express them, and not allow any one of them drive our thoughts, actions, and intentions. At times it can be a mental challenge to want to let go of some of the sadness at times, as it has been familiar. But again, we can feel and express both. Someone shared with me recently this sentiment of "Do you want to stay in the comfortable hell or move towards the uncomfortable heaven?" This is why I always share with my clients that one of our therapy goals truly is "learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable," as this is where our growth and change lie.

“If a fellow isn't thankful for what he’s got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get.” -Frank A. Clark

So for the next 30 days, I challenge each of you to embrace gratitude. Find a small way to express thanks or gratitude in your daily life or with another and share in the benefits of gratitude. Here are a few tools to help you get started.

Say Thank You

This short video was shared with me recently by a client as a tool to help others lean into the idea of being thankful and grateful. You can't help when watching and listening to it to not think to yourself who or what you are thankful or grateful for as the narrator does.

Gratitude Journal

Here is a great link to begin to explore different ways to start a gratitude journal. There are structured journals you can purchase, or you can simply start a note on your phone, identifying 1-3 things each day you are grateful for. Maybe even a group gratitude text with family or friends.

Gratitude Pumpkin

This is a personal favorite! If you have ever been to my office in November, you will find a white pumpkin each year for all who come in to share and write each time what they are grateful for. You can use a real pumpkin, or fake (which I prefer as I like to have the previous years out in the fall as reminders of the things we were grateful for last year).

Gratitude Notes

This is another cost-effective way to share thanks and appreciation with others. Whether it is leaving a note for your child in their lunch bag, sending a card to your friend, or expressing gratitude to another by taking a few moments to share that can mean a great deal to them and you. As I like to try to encourage my clients to share something they are grateful for in session, this year I hoped to carry the message of gratitude outside of the office and to everyone I may know. So below you will find the GNR gratitude postcard I have been sharing as a way to encourage others to fill out and give/mail to someone to express their gratitude for them. If you would like to participate in the gratitude postcard challenge, feel free to send me a message on the GNR site and I would truly be grateful to mail you one of these postcards below to share with someone important in your life. After all, we heal through connection, so being able to express gratitude to another not only helps others heal on their journey, but helps us as well!

Please remember if you subscribe to this blog, share it with a friend, tag someone, like it on LinkedIn, or follow Grateful Never Relapses on Instagram and/or Facebook, you will be entered into a drawing for the final GNR giveaway of 2023 later this month. The more you share and like, the greater your chances of winning. (You will be contacted via messenger or email to tell us where to send it.) Keep sharing the love, grateful beings!

Stay tuned for GNR 2024 Giveaways! Next year we will be sharing gratitude on a more frequent basis, so the more you share the greater your chances are at winning.

About Grateful Never Relapses

Welcome to a community where the belief and mindset is one in which recovery is possible for everyone! We believe that through gratitude, mindfulness, and awareness of all that is around us and within us, recovery is possible. When you shift your awareness to come from a place of gratitude, even in the most challenging or darkest of times, Grateful NEVER Relapses! The hope for this forum is to offer a brave and safe space to embrace your recovery journey with gratitude. Whatever you may be healing from, we hope you find solace here. We plan to share useful resources and tools to help you embody gratitude into your daily life. While we understand that everyone's journey is unique to them, we hope you are able to share in the power of gratitude in your own healing journey and realize the doors it may open and the walls it may take down, while recognizing and embracing the power of gratitude within!

By: Laura Anne Pasker, LCPC, LMHC, CCTP, Owner & Clinician at Clarity Counseling Solutions, LLC and Grateful Never Relapses