Humble and Hungry for Gratitude

"We need to stay humble and hungry. We're a work in progress and need to keep building on our strengths while improving our weaknesses." - Sean McDermott

In honor of the official start of the 2023 NFL season this month, I thought I would kick start September's GNR blog with a quote to set the tone for this month's topic, humility. No matter what team you support, the start of the season is exciting and full of energy and possibilities. As we step into September, Fall is upon us, seasons are shifting, and we begin to feel the changes in the air and see the colors of the leaves begin to evolve. This time of the year always reminds me of the possibilities of renewal, beginning to let go of what we no longer need or is no longer serving us, to make room for what we are ready to receive. Fall tends to tap into all of our senses; the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and feels. And also, a time when mother nature reminds us of how beautiful it can be to change and let things go.

In May's GNR Blog, Embracing Change Through Growth and Gratitude, we discussed how we connect with the growth experience and care for ourselves after facing life's challenging moments; the calm after the storm. Taking time to rest, recharge and reflect are three key components to helping us to accept and embrace change and growth. Through these intentional practices, we can connect and give ourselves time to embrace the changes we experienced and find gratitude for the ways in which they have affected us. The key to being able to embrace this change lies in one's ability to embrace humility. It's a conscious connection we can make to accept where we are, and the fact that we do not know it all or have it all figured out. It is an intentional connection with humility that invites us to reflect and embrace the idea of growth through connection. But what is it that really helps us to embrace humility? Do we all have the ability to be humble? And more importantly, how do we connect with it?

“Every year is different; every team is different. But you’ve got to start at square one every year. You have to start over, and mindset-wise, you’ve got to be as humble and hungry. And over the years, I’ve found that a humble and hungry approach goes a long way, inside the building and outside the building, and really in life in general. That’s what I subscribe to and that’s what I expect from our team.” - Sean McDermott

Full disclosure, it's not just because I have been a Buffalo Bills fan my entire life, that I admire Coach McDermott's approach and the humble and hungry mantra he has shared with the team in his time there. When thinking about this month's topic, knowing I wanted to write about humility, I immediately thought of this humble and hungry mantra he has shared. It was then I started to explore the following questions; What does it mean to be humble? What exactly is humility? Why is it important that we understand it and also embrace it? And most of all, what is humility's connection with gratitude? These are the questions we will explore in this month's GNR Blog!

Humility is the first step towards learning. You can’t learn until you are humble enough to realize there is something for you to learn. - Robert T Kiyosaki

What exactly is humility?

This quote really resonates with beginning to understand what humility is and what it means to be humble. According to Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, humility is the freedom of pride or arrogance; the quality or state of being humble. With its Latin origin, meaning "low," when the word humility is used it is typically used in reference to oneself. Some examples of its use are: Tom accepted the honor with humility; or the athlete who credits his success to his teammates, even though he has great skill, shows humility.

I like to think of humility as having the ability to recognize our own limitations. Without recognizing our limitations, we are not in a space or mindset to learn or embrace growth. Humility can be expressed in many ways and is often considered a significant core value or spiritual value for one to embody and embrace. There are many examples that do come to mind of those who lived and embodied humility in their life's work, some of those being Mother Teresa, Gandhi and Nelson Mandela.

Humility is born of the spirit, humiliation of the ego. - Alan Cohen

What does it mean to be humble?

From its origin, the "lowness" in humility and being humble is something worth cultivating, and it seems it is more of a spiritual connection with oneself and with something greater. Whether it is God, a higher power, the world, or nature, it is, in essence, connecting with something greater than ourselves. It is also understanding one's part, connection, and contributions to others and the greater good overall. Humility has greater meaning and depth as it is not self-focused but rather outwardly focused on others. Humility is not bragging or boasting about one's accomplishments, it is embracing the collective experience, our part of it, and recognizing others' contributions as well. Highlighting the contributions of others and not necessarily your own. It seems like humility is the conscious act of connection, linking us to others, all while being a collective part of the whole.

Someone who embodies humility does so in a way that does not view themselves as being better than others. Humility is that value or virtue that comes from being our true authentic selves. While the part that may want to brag or boast comes from our ego; that exaggerated sense of self or self-importance. A mask, so to speak, that we wear to protect ourselves. This is the opposite of what humility embraces. While there can be a healthy level of ego, I like to think of that healthy level as self-confidence and not ego. As ego is driven from a place of numbness, avoidance, self-protection, and escape. Again, the opposite of humility. Pride also shows its face here as well, one of the masks the ego tends to wear, and it can get in the way of finding humility. When driven by ego, we can act impulsively, say something we really do not mean, react on emotion, all while preventing us from finding our mindful pause and clouding our ability to use it.

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." — Proverbs 11:2

Healthy self-confidence is different from arrogance, pride, or ego. When wearing one of the many masks of ego, it can be near impossible to recognize others' pain or contributions, as one is not in a place of learning and growth. When in a place of being all-knowing, being right and not open and willing to learn, one is not embracing humility.

"Humility is the only true wisdom by which we prepare our minds for all the possible changes of life." - George Arliss

Hungry for change?

So without humility, it makes it near impossible to learn, grow, or embrace change. But how is one humble and hungry? What exactly does it mean to be "hungry" for humility? It is a simple answer, actually. Maybe that is why this notion can be challenging. It simply means being hungry for change. Hunger is the physical sensation, the sign, that our body is in need of nourishment. It is the message that we need fuel ourselves to keep going, to continue moving forward. So, to be hungry for change means we deeply desire a shift, an adjustment, into one of seeking growth. We are ready to evolve and embrace change. Yet without leaning into humility and recognizing our limitations or areas of needed growth, without being hungry for that change, we are likely to fall short and not be able to embrace and accept our shortcomings with humility.

"True humility is not the absence of confidence but strength restrained." - Bill Johnson

What is humility's connection with gratitude?

When I think of humility's connection to gratitude, I think of humility and recovery. In the book Alcoholics Anonymous, otherwise known as the Big Book of AA we find humility addressed in Step

Seven- Humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings. The excerpt reads as follows:

"For us, the process of gaining a new perspective was unbelievably painful. It was only by repeated humiliations that we were forced to learn something about humility. It was only at the end of a long road, marked by successive defeats and humiliations, and the final crushing of our

self-sufficiency, that we began to feel humility as some-thing more than a condition of groveling despair. Every newcomer in Alcoholics Anonymous is told, and soon realizes for himself, that his humble admission of powerlessness over alcohol is his first step toward liberation from its paralyzing grip.

So it is that we first see humility as a necessity. But this is the barest beginning. To get completely away from our aversion to the idea of being humble, to gain a vision of humility as the avenue to true freedom of the human spirit, to be willing to work for humility as something to be de-

sired for itself, takes most of us a long, long time. A whole lifetime geared to self-centeredness cannot be set in reverse all at once." - Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition

It is here where the words resonate and further help to embody the importance of humility through the "humble admission of powerlessness." This is, by definition, recognizing our shortcomings and embracing them with honesty and openness to learn and grow. The second part bolded above; to remove the aversion to humility and "gain a vision of humility as the avenue to true freedom of the human spirit," is essentially the willingness to learn, grow, and seek connection and growth with others, for the greater good to all. No matter what you are seeking, whether it be recovery-related or not, if nothing changes, nothing changes. We must embrace humility in order to grow, learn, and evolve.

As the 7th Step of the Twelve Steps of AA indicates, one humbly asking to have his or her shortcoming removed cannot be done without humility and gratitude. When expressing and practicing gratitude, one becomes more self-aware of what is present and not as focused on what is missing. This embraces the tenants of humility and connects us with a humbler state of being. When reflecting on those we are thankful for who have helped us along our journey, we become more aware of their contributions and in turn, this connects us with others. One must learn to embrace the storms of life, as when we embrace them and find meaning in them, we learn, we grow, we find gratitude in the hardships, and embrace humility. We begin to ask for help when needed, we no longer see our problems as our own, but see ourselves as part of a greater human experience. This connection invites us to make a difference in the lives of others' and in turn, our own life.

So truly the best way to begin to connect with humility is connecting with a gratitude practice. Whether it is be journaling or identifying each day who and what you're grateful or thankful for, this is the key to begin to embody a more humble presence with yourself and others.

"Gratitude is the beginning of wisdom. Stated differently, true wisdom cannot be obtained unless it is built on a foundation of true humility and gratitude." - Gordon B. Hinckley

In last month's GNR Blog, The True Essence of Gratitude is Connection, we reviewed and explored what the gold thread was, weaving gratitude through all the topics we have addressed this year. No matter the topic, the true essence of gratitude is connection. Now introducing humility to the GNR topics, can you now see how the true essence of gratitude is connection, through humility? Our ability to be open and willing to learn, believing there is something we can learn from everyone who crosses our path, seeing each experience as an opportunity is the essence of humility.

Due to our unique life experiences and the individual journeys, we are each on, we all have a unique path to self-discovery and growth. Yet along that journey, when we are honest, open and willing, when we embrace humility, we become more open to receiving the knowledge to continue to grow. Just as we are different as individuals in our response to life's storms, this too is no different with animals, hence the difference between how cows and buffalos face storms. When a storm is approaching from the west, cows will move east and run away from the storm. This being a telling sign of what direction the storm is coming from. On the other hand, when a storm is imminent, buffalos will charge toward the storm. While the cows believe they are outrunning the storm, it inevitably eventually catches up, causing greater issues and stress. They are now in the thick of it. Meanwhile, the buffalo faces the storm head-on, embraces the inevitable. If the storm is coming from the east, they too move east. By facing it directly, the impact is significantly reduced, and they are able to move through the storm more swiftly than the cows. On the other hand, the cow grasps onto fear, it runs away from it trying to avoid it; eyes wide shut. This is the opposite of humility. When the buffalo is faced with a storm, they don't avoid it, they embrace the fear and move through it, with humility, with strength, headfirst; eyes wide open. Ready to learn, ready to grow, ready to evolve. This fable brings even more meaning to Coach McDermott's "Humble and Hungry" mantra.

So now I leave you with September's Mantra...Be humble and hungry for gratitude. Be a Buffalo! Billieve in yourself! Practice Gratitude!

"Being humble means recognizing that we are not on earth to see how important we can become, but to see how much difference we can make in the lives of others." - Gordon B. Hinckley

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And also Go Bills!!

About Grateful Never Relapses

Welcome to a community where the belief and mindset is one in which recovery is possible for everyone! We believe that through gratitude, mindfulness, and awareness of all that is around us and within us, recovery is possible. When you shift your awareness to come from a place of gratitude, even in the most challenging or darkest of times, Grateful NEVER Relapses! The hope for this forum is to offer a brave and safe space to embrace your recovery journey with gratitude. We plan to share useful resources and tools to help you embody gratitude into your daily life. While we understand that everyone's journey is unique to them, we hope you are able to share in the power of gratitude in your own healing journey and realize the doors it may open and the walls it may take down, while recognizing and embracing the power of gratitude within!

By: Laura Anne Pasker, LCPC, LMHC, CCTP, Owner & Clinician at Clarity Counseling Solutions, LLC and Grateful Never Relapses