The Essence of Gratitude is Connection

The need for connection and community is primal, as fundamental as the need for air, water, and food. - Dean Ornish

The essence of something is what makes it significant, what makes it real, and what makes it alive. Essence, by definition, is the real nature of a thing, the attributes, or properties by means of which something can be placed, the most significant quality of a thing or person, one that possesses or exhibits quality in abundance as if in a concentrated form. The big, bright, and sweet-smelling essence of dahlias guided the butterfly to land and feast. The essence of something is what we recognize with our senses. It is a connection that is felt within. So, what is the true essence of gratitude? When looking back at the common thread weaving the past 7 months of blog topics together, I believe we do know the essence of gratitude and that is, connection.

“Realize that everything connects to everything else” – Leonardo DaVinci

In GNR's January Blog, What is Gratitude Anyway? we explored what gratitude is and why it is important. The Harvard Medical School defined gratitude as the thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. When we acknowledge the goodness in our lives, gratitude allows us to connect to something greater than ourselves, whether it is others, nature, or even a higher power. The true essence of gratitude is connection.

Our topic in February was Self-Compassion is Self-Love. Self-compassion is the process of turning inward with compassion. While compassion is something we often freely and naturally exercise with others, we must learn to recognize this in our own struggles and respond with the same kindness. When we recognize and accept our hardships as a part of the human experience, with kindness and compassion, it connects us to ourselves and others. Self-compassion seems to be one of the greatest acts of self-love and connection we can give ourselves. The true essence of gratitude is connection.

Then in March, we explored The Miracle of Mindfulness and the connection with gratitude. When we practice mindfulness and live in the present moment, we are open to receiving and connecting to the beautiful gifts, "the miracles" at that moment in time. Gratitude is all around us, it is mindfully present if we allow ourselves to connect to it. There are so many miracles of mindfulness before us each day, are we taking the time to see them, to truly connect with them? What if we were able to practice more mindful interactions with each other, be grateful, and connect to the small miracles that mindfulness can give us each day? This a question I invite you to pause and think about. The true essence of gratitude is connection.

“We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.” - William James

Then in April's Blog, April Showers...Finding Gratitude in the Storms of Life, we explored the power of the storms of life, where at times, we find ourselves stuck and often feel as if we are navigating them alone. It can often feel as if we are perpetually in the middle of a storm, trying to dredge our way through.

While we all experience a season of storms from time to time, we discussed ways to embrace and find greater meaning for this season. Maybe the showers of April are here to wash away what’s no longer serving us and help us to grow into what’s to come in May. Maybe the storms of this season are supporting us to become more grounded in the coming seasons, by watering our roots? What if this month’s storm represents more than just the challenging time you may be currently in, but also makes way for the growth that is meant for you as you move through it? Maybe there is a gift in the middle of the storm? A moment of gratitude to lean into and accept the present moment, in order to keep moving through to the other side? We must connect with the present experience and those around us to prepare for the growth that awaits us. Like the old adage says, "no one can do it for you, but you can't do it alone." We were not meant to, since as humans, we are hardwired for connection. The true essence of gratitude is connection.

We also explored the connection and intention of our words in April's Blog. The power of water and our words, related to Dr. Masaru Emoto's work regarding the theory of Hado, that both verbal and written words have the power to change the expression of water on a molecular level based on the type of stimuli presented; positive or negative. With the belief that intention is the driving force behind the change in the expression of water, we considered the power of our words. Imagine how powerful our thoughts may be when we are in the middle of one of life's storms. So, what we tell ourselves matters. What type of power are we giving up with our words and thoughts? Are they negative or positive? One of the most significant points here is, we don't necessarily have to believe it, it is possible to weather any storm you are experiencing, by saying "I can, and I will and I am." Our words are powerful. Again, the true essence of gratitude is connection.

“We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects.” - Herman Melville

May's Blog considered how we are Embracing Change Through Growth and Gratitude and how we connect with the growth experience and care for ourselves after facing life's challenging moments; the calm after the storm. Taking time to rest, recharge and reflect are three key components to helping us to accept and embrace change and growth. Through these three intentional practices, we can connect and give ourselves time to embrace the changes we experienced and find gratitude for the ways in which they did change us.

Resting and recharging can simply be slowing down; quieting the mind, finding stillness, and taking time for ourselves while embracing being in the present moment and practicing mindfulness. Again, let us connect back to March and the Miracle of Mindfulness. There are many ways we can start embracing and practicing mindfulness, the practice of connecting back to yourself in the moment is a great way to recharge. Connecting with your five senses; lighting a candle, taking a bath or shower, walking in nature, spending time with your pet, journaling, listening to music, making some tea, or reading a book are all great ways of connecting back with yourself.

While we may believe giving ourselves the time we need to rest, recharge and reflect may be easy, there can be times we actually avoid the stillness to avoid the possibility of the return of some of those unnerving and uncomfortable things we experienced in the storm. When we find ourselves reliving some of these emotions and experiences it is important to remember that when we are reliving, we are dwelling not reflecting. When we are reflecting we are connecting to the experience to embrace our growth; the lesson, we are embracing it with reflective gratitude. It is important to reflect on the storm in order to process what happened, but I suggest you visit (reflect) and not move in (dwell).

Both a growth mindset and a grateful mindset are choices; they are conscious decisions we make to move through to the other side. It is an intentional connection with the past (reflection) that embraces growth through gratitude in the present. The true essence of gratitude is connection.

“We are all wonderful, beautiful wrecks. That's what connects us--that we're all broken, all beautifully imperfect.” - Emilio Estevez

In June, Grit & Gratitude, brought us the idea of what it truly takes for us to embody, embrace and persist through challenges and create meaning behind it. When we feel connected and passionate about something, it allows us to push our way through, this is grit. It is not just a mindset, it is a state of being, a passion, and the kind of perseverance that allows us to face obstacles head-on. Grit is not the absence of fear, but rather the awareness of its presence. It is using fear as fuel, not making it the focus of our awareness, but rather just knowing it is there, helping us to push through. It is not allowing fear to rule the present and not allowing it to steer the ship. By embracing fear with purpose, perseverance, passion, and through connection, this is Grit. When we deny grit and gratitude, we are also resisting growth. So, through the expression of gratitude when facing an obstacle, as well as the perseverance and passion to achieve your goal (grit), we can move through any obstacle we are faced with, but we must make the connection.

As I said, Grit and Gratitude help us in connecting to the growth mindset. Without the ability to grow and learn, we may feel stuck. Especially if we are in the midst of one of those life storms or seasons, as we discussed. By practicing both grit and gratitude, we open the door to improving our wellness and enriching our growth. The true essence of gratitude is connection.

“Invisible threads are the strongest ties.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

Finally, in July's Blog we discussed Grace & Gratitude, looking at the power of both these words and their meanings. As with gratitude, grace is something we feel internally, it has the power to move us and change us. Gratitude complements grace, as grace appears to be the golden thread that truly connects and weaves this all together. Grace is an intentional action that we give or is given to us, helping to alleviate hardship, grace strengthens us. Grace is like self-compassion, the process of turning compassion inward when we often freely give compassion to others openly (Self-Compassion is Self-Love). When we turn grace inward, we learn to recognize our hardships as a part of the human experience, with kindness and compassion, it connects us to ourselves and others.

So then we must be connected and reflect (Embracing Change through Growth and Gratitude) upon our challenging experiences (April Showers...Finding Gratitude in the Storms of Life), in the present moment (The Miracle of Mindfulness) to recognize its strength (Grit & Gratitude), giving gratitude (What is Gratitude Anyway?) to something greater and being moved by this internally.

Grace is an essence, a deep feeling, similar to gratitude, and is the golden thread of connection in gratitude. (Grace & Gratitude) The true essence of gratitude is connection.

“Remember your connection with the cosmos. Remember your connection with the infinity and that remembrance will give you the freedom.” - Amit Ray

The essence of gratitude is what connects us to all things living. The essence of gratitude is connection. This is what truly makes gratitude such a powerful tool. The interconnection to all things living and our ability to truly connect and be present with another soul.

An article was shared with me this past month about a Humpback Whale found near the Farallon Islands off the coast of California in the Pacific. The whale was found having been badly tangled up in crab trap lines and unable to free herself alone. The 45-50 foot whale was seen by fisherman at 8:30am calling for help. Around 2:30p that Sunday, rescue divers arrived to assess how they could help her. Due to how badly she was entangled, the divers would need to dive into the water and cut the ropes, which, for obvious reasons, posed a great risk. They discovered nearly 12 crab traps (90 lbs. each) having been tangled around her. Four divers spent an hour cutting the ropes from her, while the whale "floated passively in the water the whole time, giving off a strange kind of vibration." Moskito, who was present stated he really didn't think they were going to be able to save her. Some lines were so tight, they were cutting into her. Moskito stated, "When I was cutting the line going through her mouth, her eye was winking at me, watching me." When she realized she was free, she began swimming in circles, she then swam to each diver, nuzzled him, and then swam to the next one. They all expressed never feeling threatened, comparing this moment with the whale to the affection of a dog that's happy to see you.

This story truly embraces gratitude and the interconnection between all things living. No matter what species, gratitude is present, we all have it. We just have to intentionally tap into it or be open to see it in other beings. When life gets tough, we can tend to forget it, but when we come back to center, back to ourselves, the present moment, we remember that true soul connection, the divine gift of gratitude and grace that is within all of us.

So, when our life experiences get us tangled up like the whale, we need to remember to ask for help to cut the ropes and drop the traps that are weighing us down. Once we get loosened from the traps, we find our freedom which allows us to tap into our grateful heart, through grace and most of all, through connection. The true essence of gratitude is connection.

“Sometimes, reaching out and taking someone's hand is the beginning of a journey. At other times, it is allowing another to take yours.” - Vera Nazarian

The essence of gratitude is the path of discovery and recovery!

How has connection along your recovery path guided you closer towards gratitude, self-compassion, mindfulness, accepting life's storms, embracing change, finding your grit, or the presence of grace? Grace and connection are the golden threads, the essence of gratitude. Take a few moments to share below how one of the topics discussed in the past 7 months have helped guide you on your path of self-discovery and recovery. I invite you to share your takeaways below in the comments, we would love to hear from you and to connect with and inspire others along the journey. After all, connection is the essence of gratitude. Remember, no one can do it for you, but you can't do it alone. Dis-ease can be so isolating; connection can be so healing. This is why connection is so vital for our personal growth and recovery. The true essence of gratitude is connection.

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About Grateful Never Relapses

Welcome to a community where the belief and mindset is one in which recovery is possible for everyone! We believe that through gratitude, mindfulness, and awareness of all that is around us and within us, recovery is possible. When you shift your awareness to come from a place of gratitude, even in the most challenging or darkest of times, Grateful NEVER Relapses! The hope for this forum is to offer a brave and safe space to embrace your recovery journey with gratitude. We plan to share useful resources and tools to help you embody gratitude into your daily life. While we understand that everyone's journey is unique to them, we hope you are able to share in the power of gratitude in your own healing journey and realize the doors it may open and the walls it may take down, while recognizing and embracing the power of gratitude within!

By: Laura Anne Pasker, LCPC, LMHC, CCTP, Owner & Clinician at Clarity Counseling Solutions, LLC and Grateful Never Relapses